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A Soulful Relationship July 28, 2006

Posted by Anton in Light Bulb Moments, Romantic.

by Rev. Ronald Mcfadden
If you’re not married yet, share this with a friend.
If you are married, share it with your spouse or other
married couples and reflect on it.

An African proverb states, “Before you get married,
keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one

Before you get involved and make a commitment to
someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem,
make you blind to warning signs.. Keep your eyes open,
and don’t fool yourself that you can change someone or
that what you see as faults aren’t really important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or
her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and
differences will become more obvious. If you love your
mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve,
you’ve got to learn to close one eye and not let every
little thing bother you. You and your mate have many
different expectations, emotional needs, values,
dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique
individual children of God who have decided to share a

Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for
each other? Do you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or
do you compete, compare, and control? What do you
bring to the relationship? Do you bring past
relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can’t take someone to the altar to alter him or
her. You can’t make someone love you or make someone

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and
“a life”, you won’t find yourself making someone else
responsible for your happiness or responsible for your

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and
selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving,
healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking
status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong
reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a
relationship strong?

Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor,
sharing household tasks, some getaway time without
business or children and daily exchanges (a meal,
shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note).

Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice

Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is
important. Grow together, not away from each other,
giving each other space to grow without feeling
insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest.
You can’t always be together. Give each other a sense
of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don’t try
to control one another. Learn each other’s family
situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.

Don’t put pressure on each other for material goods.
Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities
are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty,
and pain replace the passion.

The difference between ‘United’ and ‘Untied’ is where
you put the i.



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