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Kainis naman Superman, pare! July 25, 2006

Posted by Anton in Witty Humor.

Ok pare, was really uber bored kanina so I decided to watch Superman Returns at Glorietta 4. I texted Claude and Jeff but it seemed the two were out na naman. So I called na lang the girl Claude introduced to me at Max Brenner, a couple of weeks ago. We traded number kasi before. Actually, she asked for my number pare. See pare, I’m that hot! Kaya girls are all making kulit to my friends for my number. Her looks is kinda ok naman. The ‘pwede na’ type. The only problem lang pare is her height. She’s like an arm rest lang kasi pare. Pero I’m cool naman with it so ok na.

She replied after five rings with “Who’s this?”. I was tahimik lang on the other side. Shit talaga pare! Major turnoff talaga! So I made putol na lang the line. I hate kasi burara girls. Obviously she lost the card I gave her at Max Brenner. Sayang talaga pare. I gave her a chance pa naman to be with me and she blew it pa. She’s bobo kasi.

Good thing my mom was out kanina so I got the chance to drive for myself without Hilariously Stoopid messing with my aura.

So yun na nga diba? I was like riding on air with my uber bilis driving and it only took me 5 minutes (which would normally take 30 minutes with Hilariously Stoopid driving) from our house to Glorietta. Can’t wait na nga for Drag Racing Pinoy to reopen their site kasi I think I belong to that group. I can even do the drift na nga pare while driving pababa at Rufino towers. Eh Rufino is notorious pa naman for having the narrowest parking pababa and paakyat ng floors. Yeah pare, I’m that galing talaga at driving so there’s no point na talaga in hiring stupid natives as my driver pa.

I got the last full show at cinema 2 (11 PM)… kasi all the earlier show time were all sold out na pare. So I made tambay na lang at Starbs while enjoying a cup of chino. I made no pansin na lang at the all the loser-poser orcs making lipana around the cinema floor. I made it clear that my seat is far from the masa-crowded timezone which is full of baho natives that time… probably waiting for Superman din. I focused na lang my attention to my cup of chino for the solid caffeine rush. Dami kasing attention-getters sa crowd and they are irritating my aura. Good thing bilis lang mag fly ng oras kanina…

After the movie, I was like really disappointed talaga pare because of the uber daming flaws. I mean, Superman Returns is the year’s most stupid movie made for stupid people and I am the one tasked to figure that out. Really disturbing talaga pare…

1. Diba pare, Superman and Lex Luthor were of the same age lang? Diba nga friends pa sila before they became enemies. How come sa movie, Lex was portrayed as matanda na?

2. Correct me if I’m wrong pare pero I dont recall Superman and Lois Lane having sex to produce a child which is hikain pa!

3. Up to now, sumasakit pa rin my brain thinking how come nobody still can’t figure out that Clark Kent is Superman provided all the people at Daily Planet are fond of detective work since most of them are journalists/reporters nga. Are they all that stupid talaga or may magic powers lang talaga the eyeglass of superman, rendering him incognito whenever he wears it.

4. What’s with the kulot na bangs pare? I mean its pretty obvious naman na straight hair ni Clark sa movie tapos whenever he change into Superman na, the kulot bangs suddenly appear.

5. Superman is gay. Just notice the leg position whenever he lift his feet off the ground. Kadiri pare no?

6. Superman is laging handa pare. because he only needs to make hawi lang his clothes to reveal his costume. I mean, super lambot ba his costume for no one to notice it while at work. Specially the Superman boots which he always wear under his black shoes (?)!. The layered getup must be really init pare.

Now I know where the orcs got their style in layered clothing. Kaya naman I’ll bet an arm and a leg that Superman has BO pare.

7. There was an incident sa movie pa where Lois Lane was slammed on the head by the vault’s door which was made entirely out of steel. She fell pa nga unconcious sa tubig. The question is, how come she suffered no bukol? Not even minor bleeding pare. Eh it was like very lakas kaya ng pagkaka-slam on her head. Probably she’s hard core pare. Internal hemorrhage in the head. Big time!

8. After an earthquake, there should be a big tidal wave. That was missing pare. I anticipated pa naman that part.

Dami pa sana pare.. pero I really have to hit the sack now. It’s morning na pala. Basta, I’m giving the movie -10 out of 10 because it sucked… as in major!

Later pare.

<This message was traced to this funny blog site: http://www.cofibean.blogspot.com/&gt;



1. Aim - December 2, 2006

grabe pare….

sobrang galeng mo eh…
so we want more of your expertice

2. Jaq - January 12, 2007

tanga tanga mo naman pare! duuhhh ka bobo mo nman..

Your Question: Diba pare, Superman and Lex Luthor were of the same age lang? Diba nga friends pa sila before they became enemies. How come sa movie, Lex was portrayed as matanda na?

Answer to your stupid question:Sa smallville Lex Luthor already graduated in college. Kaya nga sya nag mamanage ng company nila diba? Clark Kent is only High School that time. Saka, hindi naman tao si Superman noh. It’s not his nature to get old that fast!

You second stupid question: Correct me if I’m wrong pare pero I dont recall Superman and Lois Lane having sex to produce a child which is hikain pa!

Answer: akala ko ba mayaman ka? di ba dapat meron kang original DVD’s ng Superman 1-4? DDDuuuuhhh.. dumb ass ka talga.. nasa Superman 3 kaya nung hiniling ni Superman na maging tao sya. That time, nag sex sila ni Louis. Stupid mo talga.

At finally.. ang sagot sa susunod mong mga stupid questions..


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