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Call Center Booboos: C-Cubed,Tele-Tech, Link2Support, Sykes, SVI March 29, 2006

Posted by Anton in Witty Humor.
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ActuaL c0nversati0n sa isang technicaL acc0unt sa C-Cubed (Cust0mer C0ntact Center) habang nakabarge sa bidang agent na it0 yung seni0r rep ng team niLa:
Filipin0 CUST: darLing are y0u a fiLipin0? (tagaL0g na tagaL0g yung accent)

TSR: n0 ma’am I’m an american… (with c0nvicti0n per0 tagaL0g na tagaL0g din yung accent!) FiLipino

CUST: are y0u sure ih0?

TSR: yes ma’am.

FiLipin0 CUST: sigurad0 ka?

TSR: yes ma’am.(eh kaLa k0 ba kan0 ka?… )
Gant0 maghandLe ng caLLs pag hindi nakapag red buLL tap0s waLa pang tuL0g… muLa rin siLa sa C-Cubed!
ring… ring… (bag0ng pas0k na caLL)

TSR: thank y0u f0r h0Lding… (aba ayuz yung 0pening spieL m0… pasad0 sa QA yan!)
TSR: (kakagising Lang muLa sa maikLing pagkakaidLip habang nagt0tr0ubLesh0ot ng isang sikat na brand ng TV) ..0kay sir the next thing that y0u have t0 d0 is t0 wash the vegetabLes… (nyek! c0oking sh0w ba yung paLabas sa TV iha?)
ganit0 ang takb0 ng c0nversati0n kapag ang kausap m0 eh hindi marun0ng umintindi ng engLish…

Sa TeLetech:

TSR: 0kay sir, Let’s check if y0u wiLL be abLe t0 g0 0nLine n0w…

CUST: yes… (yes Lang ng yes kase et0ng HAPON na it0… )

TSR: type in http://www.yahoo.com

CUST: what? yahoo.cot?

TSR: n0 sir… yahoo.com…

CUST: yahoo.cot?

TSR: n0 sir… com… C-O-M

CUST: cot?

TSR: (asar na) .com sir!

CUST: aahhh… yahoo.cot. (may .cot na paLang d0main… ganun ba sa Japan? gaLing!)
Sa TeLetech uLe:
Bag0ng Labas Lang sa sine ng I-R0b0t… kakasine Lang ata ng TSR na it0…
TSR: 0kay that’s I as in R0b0t!

CUST: what? (ayuz sa ph0netics ha… )
mga CMD bL0opers sa Link2Supp0rt:

TSR: It’s C as in CAT.

CUST: what?

TSR: C as in CAT. C-A-T… me0w me0w… (ayuz! very specific na yan ha baka hindi m0 pa magets…)

O et0 pang versi0n B muLa sa team mate niya rin:
TSR: It’s C as in CharLie… M as in Mary… and D as in Dog

CUST: Did y0u say B as in B0y?

TSR: No sir, it’s D as in Dog… arf arf… (ayuz! gaLing ata sa z0o et0ng daLawang t0!)
TSR: It’s CMD… Cust0mer Must Die…

CUST: (dead air) (naghang-up na paLa… natak0t baka mamatay… )
TSR: It’s CMD… read my Lips…. (sige nga patingin baka mabasa k0 sa phone… hehe… )
syempre hindi pahuhuLi ang mga agents sa SYKES!
TSR: (sLeEpy m0de din… at kakagising din muLa sa maikLing pagkakatuL0g habang nagt0tr0ubLesh0ot) Okay n0w g0 t0 the b0tique… (sL0wLy niya pang sinabi yun) (aba sister, ang aLam k0 tech dispatch Lang ang pede…)

TSR: (sLeEpy m0de take 4!) It’s capitaL F as Mary…

CUST: okay and then what? (eh baka ang gust0 m0ng sabihin eh Fairy?)
TSR: ch0ong ch0ong ch0ong… ch0o ch0o ch0ooooong…

CUST: what? (pare mag mute ka naman… haLatang nagLaLaro habang nagt0tr0ubLesh0ot eh…)

abang may caLL et0ng agent na it0 eh bigLang may mga dumaan na nagkwekwentuhan ng maLakas in TagaL0g…

CUST: wh0 are th0se pe0pLe? Are y0u in India?

TSR: N0… y0u’re in PhiLippines.. (teka naLit0 ak0… sin0 bang nasa PhiLippines? yung caLLer 0 yung agent? Nasan ba ak0 ateh? )
CS: Thank you for calling… this is Candy, how may I help you?

Cust: What did you say your name was… Mandy?

CS: No, sir, it’s Candy…

Cust: Sorry, can’t hear ya… didja say Mandy?

CS: No, sir.. Candy, sir… Candy… as in Storck!!! (oohhh… now I get it!!!)
CS: Was that a “B” as in boy or a “B” as in bravo?

Cust: Uhhmmm… how about “B” as in boy… (good choice…)
CS: Alright, let me verify that… Was that a “G” as in golf?

Cust (with a different accent): NO! That was a “G” as in GEBRA! (z as in zebra) (Oh, Gebra!!! like the one in the Goo?!!!… Gusme… Gon’t gou get git?)
CS: Yeah, sir… sir… are you there?

Cust: Yes, yes, I’m there! (siguro naglalaro sila ng Counter…)
Outbound call…

CS: Can u tell ur Mom, to contact us…she may DIAL http://www.XXXXXX.com … (ah… ok!!!)
CS: … So that’s I as in I… (… O as in Oh, & U as in You…)
CS: Sir, do you have NET-ESCAPE there?

Cust: Huh?… Oh!!!.. No, I have MSN IN-NERNET EXPLODER here… (… makes sense to me!!!)
CS: Would you like to set your own password or would you like me to give you a generic password?

Cust: Uhmm.. just give me a generic one…

CS: Alright.. I have reset your password. Your new password will be… let me spell it out for you… That’s K as in Kilo… A as in Apple… M as in Mama… O as in October… T as in tango… and E as in Echo… Cust: “Kamowt?” (American accent e)… That’s a cool password!!! I’ll never forget this!!! All right!!!Everything is working!!!… (buti na lang hindi Tagalog body part… like alak-alakan o bukong-bukong…)
CS: Can you spell out your name, please? Cust: Yes, my name is Cathy… that’s C as in Kite (chiguro, kilala nya ung koshchumer ng mahilig cha Gebra?!)
TS: Ok, sir… do u have a PEN and a PENCIL ready? Cust: What?!!

TS: Oh, Im sorry, sir… Do u have a PEN and a BALLPEN ready?… (klap! klap! klap!)
TS: Mam, please look at the back of your modem and check if you have the ethernet cord connected???…

Cust: Tha Hwhut??? (with alabama accent)

TS: Yung yellow cord, mheem… (oh-oow ngee nehmeeennn..)
TS: Ok, let me help you… Please click on ‘start’ and ‘run’…

Cust: Huh? Why do I have to run???… (dapat talaga yung Start button me 2 options muna e… 1: I know how to use a computer, yung 2: I don’t know how I got here/what I’m doing… hehehe!!!)
TS: Now, I want you to CLICK the space bar please… (… 1 or 2 clicks??? left or right???)
CS: …That’s E as in I-KOW… (echo) (oki lang yan, Dong…)
CS: Come again, sir?!!! Cust: Oh sure, baby!!! (negro siguro kausap neto…)
TS: Ok, sir, this is ano… what you’ll do… you have to type the ano… the command run and ano… (…teypows enow???)
Cust: So, do i have to wait for advice regarding the delivery?

CS: Sir, the package has been delivered and all we have to do is wait POR FICK UP schedule… (… I can PEEL it!!!)
Outbound/Tele…

CS: …May I please speak with Mr. Mike Jones?

Contact: Oh, he’s deceased!!!…

CS: Should I just call back for him then??? (…sure, as soon as he comes out of the ground and reports back to work…)
CS: I was hoping you can take this survey with me… Would you have the time to do that, sir?

Contact: How long is this gonna to take?

CS: Mmm.. MGA three minutes…. (ay shyet!!!)
CS: …I’d like to speak with Billy Thompson please???

Contact: He’s not in. Would you like to leave a message in his voicemail?

CS: Sure, SIGE… (ay shyet, ulet!!!)
local client kaya mostly pinoy and callers, usually from visayas…

Cust: hiillo! wala kasi yung bell ng pon namin???…

CS: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak yung phone?

Cust: Hende naman…

CS: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?

Cust: Ang alen?

CS: .Na hindi po nagri-ring yung phone?

Cust: Nagre-reng naman ah?!

CS: Di ba wala pong ring?

Cust: Hende! yong BELL!.. yong lestahan nong babayaran namin!!!…

CS: aahhh… yung BILL?!!! (hende kase nagve-verefie mabote… tsk, tsk, tsk…)

TS: Ok, sir… Could you please drag the icon UPSTAIRS?… (… lemme try…)
Cust (US): So how’s the weather there?

CS: Well… it’s kinda cloudy today, sir…

Cust: Oh really?!!!… So where are you located?

CS: Sir, your call has been re-routed in ORTIGAS!!!… (… dats nir Mexico…)
TS: … May I have your service tag pls? (it’s like a serial/case # for an appliance)

Cust: Where is the service tag located?

TS: Ma’am, the service tag is located in Roundrock, Texas… (WHOA!!!)
Outbound ulet…

CS: …I’m looking for Mr. John Brown???…

Contact: Uh… he’s not here…

CS: Oh… HE’S NOT HERE?… (ay shyet pa rin ba to???)
Silent/Dead Air Call…

CS: … If you are trying to speak to me, I cannot seem hear your voice. Please call us back again and I would have to HANG YOU UP… (aaaaarrrrkkkk!!!…)
TS: Alright, we’re going to perform a checkdisk… that is for us to see if your hard drive has errors in it… please type in C-H-K-D-S-K…

Cust: What is that again? TS: C-H-K-D-S-K… that is… C as in Charlie… H as in Harley… K as in Karly… D as in Darley… S as in Sarley… and K as in Karly… (gleng-gleng… bagong version…)

Customer is waiting and on hold when suddenly…

CS: Thank you for waiting! My name is *****!!!… Is that correct??? (KEREK!!!)
these really happened when i was still with SVI connect in ortigas Outbound kolcenter (CSR – Customer Service Representative)

1. CSR: Do you have any child so we could send out these gifts to you? CLIENT: I’m sorry but i don’t have any child. CSR: Oh i understand, what about any grandchild? (wala ngang anak di ba, asa ka pang may apo)

2. CSR: . . . and for our records, may i know your child’s bday? CLIENT: I don’t know her bday. . . CSR: Oh come on, it’s your responsibility to know your child’s bday. (tarayan ba ang customer?)
3. CLIENT: (mad) how many times do i have to tell you i didn’t purchase any card! CSR: Ma’am, i’m talking about a ‘car’, a toy car, not a card. CLIENT: but i said i didn’t purchase any card! CSR: No ma’am, not a card, what i mean is a car, an automotive. (baka ibig mong sabihin automobile)
4. a. CLIENT: What is that space bag bulk storage system? (By the way, a space bag is a big bag, not sure if it’s made of plastic, which size adjusts depending on the amount of air you vacuum out) CSR: (with limited product knowledge) Well sir, it’s some kind of a space bag, it’s like a storage system where you put your things. (salamat sa explanation)
b. CLIENT: What is this space bag? CSR: (basta may masabi lang) ah sir, it’s the thing worn by astronauts. (kakaiba tong taong to) BELIEVE IT OR NOT, HE IS NOW ONE AMONG THE FEW SELECTED TRAINORS.
c. CSR: We are giving you a free gift. You can either have the space bug bulk storage system or . . . CLIENT: What the hell is a space bug? (a single letter spelled the big difference)
5 CLIENT: What is this squeeze wrench? CSR: It’s a wrench that you squeeze for better grip. (huh?)
6 CLIENT: I won’t allow you telemarketers to fool me. Nothing in this world is for free. Now tell me the catch! CSR : (medyo napikon at umisip ng pambawi) Ah sir, have you ever listened to the Beatles? CLIENT: Well what about it? CSR: What does their song say about the best things in life? CLIENT: It’s free…. but you know what … CSR: (bangs the phone before the client could start with his stuff. (YIKES)
7. CSR: One last thing sir, may i have your city of birth? CLIENT: What? CSR: Your city of birth? CLIENT: What? i can’t quite hear you. CSR: (irita na) I said your city of birth, the place of your born! (nagalit pa)
8. In the initial calling days, we were encouraged to go verbatim as little as possible. Stick to the script! Seems like a good practice right? (except for some special incidents).
CSR: So how is your car wash gadget? CLIENT: It was a piece of junk! (irate) CSR: Oh that’s nice to hear from you, sir! (at least nag-stick sa script)
9. CSR: As a way of expressing our gratitude, we are sending your choice of free gift. You could either have a Bushnell binoculars….. CLIENT: What is a binocular? CSR: It’s the thing you use to make far objects appear closer. CLIENT: I don’t get it. CSR: You know, it’s the thing you use when you look out the window…. CLIENT: I’m sorry but i really don’t know it. CSR: (a bright idea came about) ah! sir, have you ever seen a telescope? CLIENT: Yup! CSR: All you do now is get one telescope on your right hand, and another one on the left, put them together, look at the eyepieces and there you have binoculars. CLIENT: Oh, you mean binoculars! (may point tong CSR na to noh?)
10. CSR: Yes, may i talk to mr. _ _ _ _ _ ? CLIENT: He’s not around, is there anything i can do for you? CSR: It’s ok, i just called to inform him that because he purchased an item from us, he is entitled to receive a free gift item. Anyway, i’ll just call him back. CLIENT: Really? would you like me to give you his mobile phone no. so you can get in touch with him. CSR: Ok! (CSR noticed that the cell no. lacks the first four digits, he forgot that he was talking to US people, so he asked) Is it Globe or Smart? CLIENT: pardon? CSR: (realizing he committed a mistake) oh, i said i’ll just try to contact him……
11. A newly hired CSR just made his first sale . . . CSR: Yes! (sabay lagok sa coffee ng katabi nya)(tama ba namang ma-carried away)
12. Note: It is a common practice in SVI-connect that a coach sits beside a first timer)
Another newly hired CSR (good looking) just made his first sale (or should I say her first sale). Anyway, here is her, I mean his story :
CSR: (extremely tense while pitching. From time to time, he looked at his coach to verify if he is doing the right things. Coach approved. Finally, after a few minutes of persuading the client to accept the offer, he was able to close the deal. He became so delighted that he faced his coach (who happens to be an attractive lady), embraced her, and said ‘thank you mommy!’ (BUMIGAY ANG BRUHA!)
13. CSR : We are giving away a free miniature car for free just because you purchased a product from us before. Well anyway sir, do you happen to be a car collection? (mas maganda yatang pakinggan kung car collector)
14. CSR : … and as a safeguard to show that i really did talk to you, may i have your city of birth, the place where you were born? CLIENT: Inglewood CSR: Where sir? In the woods? You were born in the woods? (Sino yan, si Tarzan?)

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Comments»

1. Aim - December 2, 2006

yon lang? dagdagan nyo pa.. hehehe

2. rey mercado - July 8, 2007

TSR: what’s the status of the modem leds?
SUBS: yung ADSL nagBEBLENK-BLENK (vis-min subs)

TSR: what’s the status of the modem leds?
SUBS: yung ADSL nagAADAP-ADAP (batangeña)

3. jei - July 12, 2007

rey mercado? taga SMC ka sauna?

4. alyas_waway - August 9, 2007

mga bisaya ni diria diay….

5. Mia - May 25, 2008

…from Link2support

(really slow client)
PSR: ok ma’am please close all the windows, we will start over
Client: alright (client’s end went silent)
PSR: ma’am? u still there?
Client: (panting) ok gurl, i closed all my windows, whew! it’s dark in here, u think we really need to close all the windows? (gets?)

(misrouted call from UK)
PSR: opening spiel……
Client: (in UK English accent) uh…I cannot open my favorite website HTTP double dot double dot DOODLE DOODLE cahtun nehwork fully stop com
PSR: eh sir? are you sure that’s a website?

(82 yr old client with XP pc)
after 45 mins of fixing the ethernet cable connections
PSR: ok sir, on your screen you will see at the bottom left hand corner the word START, click on it
Client: left click or right click?
PSR: left click
Client: single click or double click?
PSR: single
PSR: now you will see a menu, click on settings
Client: left click or right click?
PSR: (grrrr…) left single click…now you will see another menu come up…look for Control Panel
Client: left click or right click? single or double?
PSR: (mute) waaaaaaah!

(Chinese Client)
PSR: just unplug the cat5 cable from the back of your cpu
Client: ok…ok…i unPLUCK it…i unPLUCK it awedy

6. Mia - May 25, 2008

another…with an irate client
PSR’s in Link2support are trained to still be courteous, empathize and listen to the client’s “concern”

Client:(ranting for almost an hour)….i bet you do not know what DSL means, im sure sure you live in a 3rd world country…you little brown monkey!!
PSR:(on mute: baga ug leps!) you big white mouse! I am not your psychiatrist! do you want me to help you or no! (bahala ma fail sa QA, ga sobra na ning puti-a ni)

7. ламинат - August 25, 2008

5iGood idea.5u I compleatly disagree with last post . apy
паркетная доска 5o


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