Cat in the Hat Chain Mail March 31, 2006
Posted by Anton in Chain Mail.add a comment
The last time I did this it worked for me too. I wished for a baby, and
you all know what happened (approx. 2 months later).
I had to give this a shot…
Don’t laugh at this! Just do it!
My best friend just did this, this morning, wished for her promotion and
just got a call and she got it.
Start thinking something you really really want, cause this is
astounding. the person that sent this to me said their wish came true 10
mins after they read the mail so I thought what the heck.
******
******
******
******
**********
(,)(,)
*…..*
You have just been visited by Dr.Suess’s Cat in the Hat. He will grant
you
one wish.
Make your wish when the count down is over.
10..
9..
8..
7..
6..
5..
4..
3..
2.
1..
MAKE A WISH
Send this to 10 people within the hour you read this.
If you do, your wish will come true! . If you don’t it will become the
opposite.
Proverbs as told by Children March 31, 2006
Posted by Anton in Light Bulb Moments, Witty Humor.add a comment
A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest:
- As you shall make your bed so shall you… mess it up.
- Better to be safe than… punch a 5th grader.
- Strike while the… bug is close.
- It’s always darkest before… daylight savings time.
- Never underestimate the power of… termites.
- You can lead a horse to water but… how?
- Don’t bite the hand that… looks dirty.
- No news is… impossible.
- A miss is as good as a… Mr.
- You can’t teach an old dog new… math.
- If you lie down with the dogs, you’ll… stink in the morning.
- Love all, trust… me.
- The pen is mightier than the… pigs.
- An idle mind is… the best way to relax.
- Where there’s smoke, there’s… pollution.
- Happy the bride who… gets all the presents!
- A penny saved is… not much.
- Two’s company, three’s… the Musketeers.
- Don’t put off tomorrow what… you put on to go to bed.
- Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and… you have to blow your nose.
- None are so blind as… Helen Keller.
- Children should be seen and not… spanked or grounded.
- If at first you don’t succeed… get new batteries.
- You get out of something what you… see pictured on the box.
- When the blind leadeth the blind… get out of the way.
- There is no fool like… Aunt Eddie.
Angels Walk The Earth March 30, 2006
Posted by Anton in Chain Mail, Light Bulb Moments, Religion.add a comment
THIS IS A REALLY COOL STORY AND NOTICE AT THE END THE DATE THE CANDLE WAS STARTED. GONNA GIVE YOU GOOSE BUMPS.
I am not going to be the one who lets it die. I found it believable angels have walked beside me all my life–and they still do.
A young university student was home for the summer. She had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their
various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn’t afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked “God” to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her.
She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for “God’s” protection.
Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her.
When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there.
Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help his young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story.
The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed.
The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, Because she wasn’t alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her.”
Moral of the story: Don’t underestimate the power of Prayer! Gives ya goose bumps doesn’t it! This is to all of you who mean something to me, pray for your happiness.
The Candle Of Love, Hope & Friendship
()
|—|
|—|
|—|
|—|
|—|
|—|
This candle was lit on the 15th of September, 1998.
Someone who loves you has helped keep it alive by sending it to you.
Don’t let The Candle of Love, Hope and Friendship die! Pass It On To All Of Your Friends and Everyone You Love! May God richly bless you as send this story on. Please keep this candle alive
Man in the Beans March 30, 2006
Posted by Anton in Light Bulb Moments, Picture This, Witty Humor.5 comments
Find the man in the coffee beans.
Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in 3 seconds, the right half of your brain is better developed than most people.
If you find the man in one minute, then your right half of the brain is
Developed normally.
If you find the man between one minute and three minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and you need to eat more protein.
If you have not found the man after 3 minutes of studying, the right half of your brain is a mess, and the only advice is to look for these types of exercises to make that part of the brain stronger. Crossword puzzles, hidden images, etc…
The man really is there. In fact, once you find him, you cannot miss him afterward.
MOST POPULAR MYTHS IN SCIENCE March 29, 2006
Posted by Anton in Light Bulb Moments.add a comment
1. It takes seven years to digest gum
While it may prove a bit more difficult to break down than organic foodstuffs, chewing gum gets no special treatment from the digestive system. Doctors figure this old wives' tale was invented to prevent kids from swallowing the rubbery substance.
2. The Great Wall of China is the only manmade structure visible from space
There are several variations on this folkloric statement, and they're all quantifiably false. Astronauts can spot the Great Wall from low-Earth orbit, along with plenty of other things like the Giza pyramids and even airport runways. But they can't see the Wall from the Moon.
3. Humans use only 10 percent of their brains
This media darling has been around for at least a century. Fortunately, it's just not true. MRI imaging clearly demonstrates—with fancy colors no less—that humans put most of their cerebral cortex to good use, even while dozing.
4. Adults don't grow new brain cells
Much of a human's crucial brain development happens during childhood, but it isn't all downhill from there. Studies have shown that neurons continue to grow and change well into the adult years.
5. Water drains backwards in the Southern Hemisphere due to the Earth's rotation
Not only is the Earth's rotation too weak to affect the direction of water flowing in a drain, tests you can easily perform in a few washrooms will show that water whirlpools both ways depending on the sink's structure, not the hemisphere.
6. Animals can predict natural disasters
There is no evidence that animals possess a mysterious sixth-sense allowing them to predict natural disasters. Their keen senses of smell, hearing, and sharp instincts alone are enough to send them scattering for the hillsides during a hurricane or tsunami. And even so, animals often die during natural disasters, so if they do have some sort of sixth sense, it's not worth much.
7. A penny dropped from the top of a tall building could kill a pedestrian
A penny isn't the most aerodynamic of weapons. A combination of its shape and wind friction means that, tossed even from the 1,250-foot Empire State Building, it would travel fast enough merely to sting an unlucky pedestrian.
8. A dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's
Despite a habit of licking things no human would dare, Fido's mouth is often touted as scientifically more sterile. Truth is, oral bacteria are so species-specific that one can't be considered cleaner than the other, just different.
9. Chickens can live without a head
True, and not just for a few minutes. A chicken can stagger around without its noggin because the brain stem, often left partially intact after a beheading, controls most of its reflexes. One robust fellow lived a full eighteen months. Likely he was a real birdbrain, however.
10. The five second rule
Having an arbitrary rule justifying the consumption of food dropped on the floor within a certain time frame is convenient, especially when said food is a brownie. Unfortunately, tests (and logic) confirm that germs will stick to most foods right on contact.
11. There is no gravity in space
Blame the term "zero-gravity" for this common misconception. Gravity is everywhere, even in space. Astronauts look weightless because they are in continuous freefall towards the Earth, staying aloft because of their horizontal motion. The effect of gravity diminishes with distance, but it never truly goes away. Oh, and while we're at it, it's also untrue that space is a vacuum. There are all kinds of atoms out there, albeit sometimes far apart (and this thin gas adds to the collective gravity budget, too!)
12. Chicken soup can cure the common cold
Cure is a strong word, but science suggests Moms around the world are still right in forcing spoonfuls of chicken soup down their kids' throats. Studies have found that the broth actually contains anti-inflammatory properties that help reduce congestion.
13. Yawning is "contagious"
Empirically, this is tough to deny; perhaps you'll yawn while reading this. The real question is whether there's actually something physiological at work here, and the answer is likely yes: even chimpanzees mimic each other's yawns.
14. Lightning never strikes the same place twice
In fact lightning favors certain spots, particularly high locations. The Empire State Building is struck about 25 times every year. Ben Franklin grasped the concept long ago and mounted a metal rod atop the roof of his home, then ran a wire to the ground, thereby inventing the lightning rod.
15. Hair and fingernails continue growing after death
Though hair and fingernails appear to keep growing after death, this is merely a morbid optical illusion at work. In death the human body dehydrates severely, retracting enough skin to expose more nail and hair.
16. You get less wet by running in the rain
Actual mathematical equations devoted to this popular question have suggested it is true, though not for the simple reasons you might think. Complexities include factoring in the number of rain drops hitting the walker's head versus smacking the runner's chest.
17. A falling cat will always land on its feet
Studies have demonstrated that, when dropped from most heights, cats will land gracefully on their feet. Results change only with cats dropped upside-down from a height of one foot or less. We're not suggesting you try this at home.
Source: http://www.livescience.com/bestimg/result.php?back=myths_dog_mouth_03.jpg&cat=myths
Call Center Booboos: C-Cubed,Tele-Tech, Link2Support, Sykes, SVI March 29, 2006
Posted by Anton in Witty Humor.7 comments
ActuaL c0nversati0n sa isang technicaL acc0unt sa C-Cubed (Cust0mer C0ntact Center) habang nakabarge sa bidang agent na it0 yung seni0r rep ng team niLa:
Filipin0 CUST: darLing are y0u a fiLipin0? (tagaL0g na tagaL0g yung accent)
TSR: n0 ma’am I’m an american… (with c0nvicti0n per0 tagaL0g na tagaL0g din yung accent!) FiLipino
CUST: are y0u sure ih0?
TSR: yes ma’am.
FiLipin0 CUST: sigurad0 ka?
TSR: yes ma’am.(eh kaLa k0 ba kan0 ka?… )
Gant0 maghandLe ng caLLs pag hindi nakapag red buLL tap0s waLa pang tuL0g… muLa rin siLa sa C-Cubed!
ring… ring… (bag0ng pas0k na caLL)
TSR: thank y0u f0r h0Lding… (aba ayuz yung 0pening spieL m0… pasad0 sa QA yan!)
TSR: (kakagising Lang muLa sa maikLing pagkakaidLip habang nagt0tr0ubLesh0ot ng isang sikat na brand ng TV) ..0kay sir the next thing that y0u have t0 d0 is t0 wash the vegetabLes… (nyek! c0oking sh0w ba yung paLabas sa TV iha?)
ganit0 ang takb0 ng c0nversati0n kapag ang kausap m0 eh hindi marun0ng umintindi ng engLish…
Sa TeLetech:
TSR: 0kay sir, Let’s check if y0u wiLL be abLe t0 g0 0nLine n0w…
CUST: yes… (yes Lang ng yes kase et0ng HAPON na it0… )
TSR: type in www.yahoo.com
CUST: what? yahoo.cot?
TSR: n0 sir… yahoo.com…
CUST: yahoo.cot?
TSR: n0 sir… com… C-O-M
CUST: cot?
TSR: (asar na) .com sir!
CUST: aahhh… yahoo.cot. (may .cot na paLang d0main… ganun ba sa Japan? gaLing!)
Sa TeLetech uLe:
Bag0ng Labas Lang sa sine ng I-R0b0t… kakasine Lang ata ng TSR na it0…
TSR: 0kay that’s I as in R0b0t!
CUST: what? (ayuz sa ph0netics ha… )
mga CMD bL0opers sa Link2Supp0rt:
TSR: It’s C as in CAT.
CUST: what?
TSR: C as in CAT. C-A-T… me0w me0w… (ayuz! very specific na yan ha baka hindi m0 pa magets…)
O et0 pang versi0n B muLa sa team mate niya rin:
TSR: It’s C as in CharLie… M as in Mary… and D as in Dog
CUST: Did y0u say B as in B0y?
TSR: No sir, it’s D as in Dog… arf arf… (ayuz! gaLing ata sa z0o et0ng daLawang t0!)
TSR: It’s CMD… Cust0mer Must Die…
CUST: (dead air) (naghang-up na paLa… natak0t baka mamatay… )
TSR: It’s CMD… read my Lips…. (sige nga patingin baka mabasa k0 sa phone… hehe… )
syempre hindi pahuhuLi ang mga agents sa SYKES!
TSR: (sLeEpy m0de din… at kakagising din muLa sa maikLing pagkakatuL0g habang nagt0tr0ubLesh0ot) Okay n0w g0 t0 the b0tique… (sL0wLy niya pang sinabi yun) (aba sister, ang aLam k0 tech dispatch Lang ang pede…)
TSR: (sLeEpy m0de take 4!) It’s capitaL F as Mary…
CUST: okay and then what? (eh baka ang gust0 m0ng sabihin eh Fairy?)
TSR: ch0ong ch0ong ch0ong… ch0o ch0o ch0ooooong…
CUST: what? (pare mag mute ka naman… haLatang nagLaLaro habang nagt0tr0ubLesh0ot eh…)
abang may caLL et0ng agent na it0 eh bigLang may mga dumaan na nagkwekwentuhan ng maLakas in TagaL0g…
CUST: wh0 are th0se pe0pLe? Are y0u in India?
TSR: N0… y0u’re in PhiLippines.. (teka naLit0 ak0… sin0 bang nasa PhiLippines? yung caLLer 0 yung agent? Nasan ba ak0 ateh? )
CS: Thank you for calling… this is Candy, how may I help you?
Cust: What did you say your name was… Mandy?
CS: No, sir, it’s Candy…
Cust: Sorry, can’t hear ya… didja say Mandy?
CS: No, sir.. Candy, sir… Candy… as in Storck!!! (oohhh… now I get it!!!)
CS: Was that a “B” as in boy or a “B” as in bravo?
Cust: Uhhmmm… how about “B” as in boy… (good choice…)
CS: Alright, let me verify that… Was that a “G” as in golf?
Cust (with a different accent): NO! That was a “G” as in GEBRA! (z as in zebra) (Oh, Gebra!!! like the one in the Goo?!!!… Gusme… Gon’t gou get git?)
CS: Yeah, sir… sir… are you there?
Cust: Yes, yes, I’m there! (siguro naglalaro sila ng Counter…)
Outbound call…
CS: Can u tell ur Mom, to contact us…she may DIAL www.XXXXXX.com … (ah… ok!!!)
CS: … So that’s I as in I… (… O as in Oh, & U as in You…)
CS: Sir, do you have NET-ESCAPE there?
Cust: Huh?… Oh!!!.. No, I have MSN IN-NERNET EXPLODER here… (… makes sense to me!!!)
CS: Would you like to set your own password or would you like me to give you a generic password?
Cust: Uhmm.. just give me a generic one…
CS: Alright.. I have reset your password. Your new password will be… let me spell it out for you… That’s K as in Kilo… A as in Apple… M as in Mama… O as in October… T as in tango… and E as in Echo… Cust: “Kamowt?” (American accent e)… That’s a cool password!!! I’ll never forget this!!! All right!!!Everything is working!!!… (buti na lang hindi Tagalog body part… like alak-alakan o bukong-bukong…)
CS: Can you spell out your name, please? Cust: Yes, my name is Cathy… that’s C as in Kite (chiguro, kilala nya ung koshchumer ng mahilig cha Gebra?!)
TS: Ok, sir… do u have a PEN and a PENCIL ready? Cust: What?!!
TS: Oh, Im sorry, sir… Do u have a PEN and a BALLPEN ready?… (klap! klap! klap!)
TS: Mam, please look at the back of your modem and check if you have the ethernet cord connected???…
Cust: Tha Hwhut??? (with alabama accent)
TS: Yung yellow cord, mheem… (oh-oow ngee nehmeeennn..)
TS: Ok, let me help you… Please click on ’start’ and ‘run’…
Cust: Huh? Why do I have to run???… (dapat talaga yung Start button me 2 options muna e… 1: I know how to use a computer, yung 2: I don’t know how I got here/what I’m doing… hehehe!!!)
TS: Now, I want you to CLICK the space bar please… (… 1 or 2 clicks??? left or right???)
CS: …That’s E as in I-KOW… (echo) (oki lang yan, Dong…)
CS: Come again, sir?!!! Cust: Oh sure, baby!!! (negro siguro kausap neto…)
TS: Ok, sir, this is ano… what you’ll do… you have to type the ano… the command run and ano… (…teypows enow???)
Cust: So, do i have to wait for advice regarding the delivery?
CS: Sir, the package has been delivered and all we have to do is wait POR FICK UP schedule… (… I can PEEL it!!!)
Outbound/Tele…
CS: …May I please speak with Mr. Mike Jones?
Contact: Oh, he’s deceased!!!…
CS: Should I just call back for him then??? (…sure, as soon as he comes out of the ground and reports back to work…)
CS: I was hoping you can take this survey with me… Would you have the time to do that, sir?
Contact: How long is this gonna to take?
CS: Mmm.. MGA three minutes…. (ay shyet!!!)
CS: …I’d like to speak with Billy Thompson please???
Contact: He’s not in. Would you like to leave a message in his voicemail?
CS: Sure, SIGE… (ay shyet, ulet!!!)
local client kaya mostly pinoy and callers, usually from visayas…
Cust: hiillo! wala kasi yung bell ng pon namin???…
CS: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak yung phone?
Cust: Hende naman…
CS: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?
Cust: Ang alen?
CS: .Na hindi po nagri-ring yung phone?
Cust: Nagre-reng naman ah?!
CS: Di ba wala pong ring?
Cust: Hende! yong BELL!.. yong lestahan nong babayaran namin!!!…
CS: aahhh… yung BILL?!!! (hende kase nagve-verefie mabote… tsk, tsk, tsk…)
TS: Ok, sir… Could you please drag the icon UPSTAIRS?… (… lemme try…)
Cust (US): So how’s the weather there?
CS: Well… it’s kinda cloudy today, sir…
Cust: Oh really?!!!… So where are you located?
CS: Sir, your call has been re-routed in ORTIGAS!!!… (… dats nir Mexico…)
TS: … May I have your service tag pls? (it’s like a serial/case # for an appliance)
Cust: Where is the service tag located?
TS: Ma’am, the service tag is located in Roundrock, Texas… (WHOA!!!)
Outbound ulet…
CS: …I’m looking for Mr. John Brown???…
Contact: Uh… he’s not here…
CS: Oh… HE’S NOT HERE?… (ay shyet pa rin ba to???)
Silent/Dead Air Call…
CS: … If you are trying to speak to me, I cannot seem hear your voice. Please call us back again and I would have to HANG YOU UP… (aaaaarrrrkkkk!!!…)
TS: Alright, we’re going to perform a checkdisk… that is for us to see if your hard drive has errors in it… please type in C-H-K-D-S-K…
Cust: What is that again? TS: C-H-K-D-S-K… that is… C as in Charlie… H as in Harley… K as in Karly… D as in Darley… S as in Sarley… and K as in Karly… (gleng-gleng… bagong version…)
Customer is waiting and on hold when suddenly…
CS: Thank you for waiting! My name is *****!!!… Is that correct??? (KEREK!!!)
these really happened when i was still with SVI connect in ortigas Outbound kolcenter (CSR – Customer Service Representative)
1. CSR: Do you have any child so we could send out these gifts to you? CLIENT: I’m sorry but i don’t have any child. CSR: Oh i understand, what about any grandchild? (wala ngang anak di ba, asa ka pang may apo)
2. CSR: . . . and for our records, may i know your child’s bday? CLIENT: I don’t know her bday. . . CSR: Oh come on, it’s your responsibility to know your child’s bday. (tarayan ba ang customer?)
3. CLIENT: (mad) how many times do i have to tell you i didn’t purchase any card! CSR: Ma’am, i’m talking about a ‘car’, a toy car, not a card. CLIENT: but i said i didn’t purchase any card! CSR: No ma’am, not a card, what i mean is a car, an automotive. (baka ibig mong sabihin automobile)
4. a. CLIENT: What is that space bag bulk storage system? (By the way, a space bag is a big bag, not sure if it’s made of plastic, which size adjusts depending on the amount of air you vacuum out) CSR: (with limited product knowledge) Well sir, it’s some kind of a space bag, it’s like a storage system where you put your things. (salamat sa explanation)
b. CLIENT: What is this space bag? CSR: (basta may masabi lang) ah sir, it’s the thing worn by astronauts. (kakaiba tong taong to) BELIEVE IT OR NOT, HE IS NOW ONE AMONG THE FEW SELECTED TRAINORS.
c. CSR: We are giving you a free gift. You can either have the space bug bulk storage system or . . . CLIENT: What the hell is a space bug? (a single letter spelled the big difference)
5 CLIENT: What is this squeeze wrench? CSR: It’s a wrench that you squeeze for better grip. (huh?)
6 CLIENT: I won’t allow you telemarketers to fool me. Nothing in this world is for free. Now tell me the catch! CSR : (medyo napikon at umisip ng pambawi) Ah sir, have you ever listened to the Beatles? CLIENT: Well what about it? CSR: What does their song say about the best things in life? CLIENT: It’s free…. but you know what … CSR: (bangs the phone before the client could start with his stuff. (YIKES)
7. CSR: One last thing sir, may i have your city of birth? CLIENT: What? CSR: Your city of birth? CLIENT: What? i can’t quite hear you. CSR: (irita na) I said your city of birth, the place of your born! (nagalit pa)
8. In the initial calling days, we were encouraged to go verbatim as little as possible. Stick to the script! Seems like a good practice right? (except for some special incidents).
CSR: So how is your car wash gadget? CLIENT: It was a piece of junk! (irate) CSR: Oh that’s nice to hear from you, sir! (at least nag-stick sa script)
9. CSR: As a way of expressing our gratitude, we are sending your choice of free gift. You could either have a Bushnell binoculars….. CLIENT: What is a binocular? CSR: It’s the thing you use to make far objects appear closer. CLIENT: I don’t get it. CSR: You know, it’s the thing you use when you look out the window…. CLIENT: I’m sorry but i really don’t know it. CSR: (a bright idea came about) ah! sir, have you ever seen a telescope? CLIENT: Yup! CSR: All you do now is get one telescope on your right hand, and another one on the left, put them together, look at the eyepieces and there you have binoculars. CLIENT: Oh, you mean binoculars! (may point tong CSR na to noh?)
10. CSR: Yes, may i talk to mr. _ _ _ _ _ ? CLIENT: He’s not around, is there anything i can do for you? CSR: It’s ok, i just called to inform him that because he purchased an item from us, he is entitled to receive a free gift item. Anyway, i’ll just call him back. CLIENT: Really? would you like me to give you his mobile phone no. so you can get in touch with him. CSR: Ok! (CSR noticed that the cell no. lacks the first four digits, he forgot that he was talking to US people, so he asked) Is it Globe or Smart? CLIENT: pardon? CSR: (realizing he committed a mistake) oh, i said i’ll just try to contact him……
11. A newly hired CSR just made his first sale . . . CSR: Yes! (sabay lagok sa coffee ng katabi nya)(tama ba namang ma-carried away)
12. Note: It is a common practice in SVI-connect that a coach sits beside a first timer)
Another newly hired CSR (good looking) just made his first sale (or should I say her first sale). Anyway, here is her, I mean his story :
CSR: (extremely tense while pitching. From time to time, he looked at his coach to verify if he is doing the right things. Coach approved. Finally, after a few minutes of persuading the client to accept the offer, he was able to close the deal. He became so delighted that he faced his coach (who happens to be an attractive lady), embraced her, and said ‘thank you mommy!’ (BUMIGAY ANG BRUHA!)
13. CSR : We are giving away a free miniature car for free just because you purchased a product from us before. Well anyway sir, do you happen to be a car collection? (mas maganda yatang pakinggan kung car collector)
14. CSR : … and as a safeguard to show that i really did talk to you, may i have your city of birth, the place where you were born? CLIENT: Inglewood CSR: Where sir? In the woods? You were born in the woods? (Sino yan, si Tarzan?)
Online Scratch & Sniff March 29, 2006
Posted by Anton in Witty Humor.add a comment
IF YOU HAVE SOUND
YOU ARE GOING
TO LOVE THIS ONE…..
MAKE SURE IT’S on!
Click here: Scratch & Sniff ? ?
Tech Support To The Rescue! March 28, 2006
Posted by Anton in Watch This, Witty Humor.add a comment
This has got to be one of the funniest I’ve heard of in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired.
This is presumably a true story from the WordPerfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired however, he is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for “Termination without Cause.” This is the actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations).
“Rich Hall computer assistance; may I help you?”
“Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”
“What sort of trouble?”
“Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”
“Went away?”
“They disappeared.”
“Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“It’s a blank; it won’ t accept anything when I type.”
“Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”
“How do I tell?”
“Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?”
“What’s a sea-prompt?”
“Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?”
“There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”
“Does your monitor have a power indicator?”
“What’s a monitor?”
“It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.
“Yes, it is.”
“When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?”
“No.”
“Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”
“Okay, here it is.”
“Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.”
“I can’t reach.”
“Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?”
“No.”
“Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?”
“Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle it’s because it’s dark.”
“Dark?”
“Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.”
“Well, turn on the office light then.”
“I can’t.”
“No? Why not?”
“Because there’s a power failure.”
“A power…….a power failure?…. Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?”
“Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.
“Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”
“Really? Is it that bad?”
“Yes, I’m afraid it is.”
“Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?”
“Tell them you’re just too stupid to own a computer.”
Have a nice day…
My Son is my Pride and Joy March 27, 2006
Posted by Anton in Witty Humor.add a comment
Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years.
After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room.
The ones who stayed behind began to talk about their kids and their successes.
The first guy says: I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration soon he was promoted and began to
climb the corporate ladder becoming the General Manager and now he is the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.
The second guy says: Damn, that's terrific!! My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a traveling agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and also manage to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.
The third guy says: Well, well, well congratulations!! My son is also my pride and joy and h is also very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an Engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some thing very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq ft mansion specially for his friend.
The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of their sons. The forth friend who earlier had gone to restroom returned and asked: What's going on, what are all the congratulations for? One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. And then he asked, What about your son?
The forth man replied: My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub. The three friends said: What a shame that must be, that is horrible, what a disappointment you must feel. The forth man replied: No, I am not ashamed. Not at all. He is my son and I love him just as well, he is my pride and joy. And he is very lucky too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq ft mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends.
